A year has come and gone, just like that. It’s almost hard to remember what things were like, in the depths of the struggle through the chemo and the radiation and the surgery recovery. A week in ICU after the operation, two unscheduled trips to the ER, weeks on end of getting nutrition through a stomach tube, weight as low as 119, weak and exhausted, with a feeling that things will never get better.
And here we are, a year later, weighing 132.2, a trip to the gym planned this morning, feeling stronger, able to eat anything, no more stomach peg, golf game getting better (won Couples Twilight last night, worth nine balls!), enough energy to work around the yard, spreading mulch, prepping the house and yard for a big baby shower party for first grandchild. Feeling good.
But, I do have to sleep on my back with my head higher than my stomach (I slipped off the pillow last night and had acid reflux in throat), it’s tough leaning over to pick weeds out of the garden, my memory seems jumbled with what I think of as ‘chemo brain,’ going uphill wears me out, lungs don’t feel like they have the capacity they used to. But, but, I am alive and thankful for that, and I am feeling good. The doctors have been great.
There’s just one more hurdle (so far) that I need to get over….I’ll be meeting with a surgeon and a radiation oncologist next week, to decide on the treatment option for my prostate cancer, which the doctors have said must be dealt with…no more ‘active surveillance’….get on with it.
So, with your indulgence, I will keep this blog going just a little bit longer, maybe long enough to see how we get through the prostate cancer situation.
In the meantime, I’ll leave you with this ditty:
What’s Next?
The thought that someday I’ll be gone
Is hard for me to comprehend
It’s clear of course the body goes
But does the spirit also end?
The people I have known and loved
That left this world and me as well
Have they completely gone away
Or does their soul somewhere still dwell?
Are friends and family waiting there
In some peculiar meta-mix
Where spirits glow and intertwine,
The faithful with the heretics?
Or are they truly dead and gone
No spark, no soul, no anything?
I cannot yet quite fathom that…
Beyond that hill I still
Might sing.
Hi Chris,
Pretty heavy poetry my friend. A long time ago I concluded I had no capacity to know God, eternity, and the like; as I didn’t even know myself. Regardless, of late I wonder frequently about all those things. Getting close to the end, I want to try and peek; so far, to no avail. Your poem made me peek again.
Your journey has been remarkable for me to witness through the lens of your blog. Out of despair and suffering you have come to know better than I, how beautiful this life is. You seem well prepared for the next hurdle.
I talked with Kenny, and he is emerging from the darkness at last, looking forward regaining health, and taking his place back at the table of life. I suspect the two of you have much to share the next time you meet. Thank you for keeping the blog going. I think it’s important.
Your friend,
Don